My second favorite fútbol club hails from Rosario. And it’s not just because Rosario is universally acknowledged throughout Argentina as being home to the highest percentage of beautiful girls in a country with quite a few hotties. And it’s not because there is an amazingly beautiful “All-American girl” in one of the HSBC buildings I teach in who hails from there. (Though this doesn’t hurt… and I would have asked her to marry me today… again… but I found out last month that she’s not really 26. She’s only 20, but casi 21… almost 21 is maybe a little young for me. Not in my eyes, but in hers… and her father’s.) No, my second favorite fútbol club is in my top two because it has far and away the best name in all of Argentine (first division) fútbol.

The British brought “football” to Argentina when they came to build the railroads about a 100 years ago. (This was long after they had taken the Falklands and long before they took them back.) And with the game, they brought British names. That’s why the Argentina Fútbol Association (Asociación del Fútbol Argentino) is a league with such names as Boca JUNIORS, RIVER PLATE, ARSENAL, Argentina JUNIORS, Chacarita JUNIORS, and BANFIELD. But even among those names, NEWELL’S OLD BOYS stands out.

Newell’s Old Boys is one of the two teams that divide the city of Rosario (about 1,000,000+ people) in two, but compared with “Rosario Central”, how could anyone even think that there’s a choice when considering which team to support? (Especially after hearing an Argentine say “Newell’s Old Boys”… a charmingly hilarious treat if you should ever be so fortunate to hear it.)

With the loss this past weekend by 1^st place Banfield, the opportunity was there tonight (Monday November 30^th, 2009) for Newell’s Old Boys to take sole possession of first place with a win over Colón of Santa Fe just over 100 miles up the “highway”. (I put highway in quotation marks because the infrastructure in Argentina can swing from extremely modern to absolute crapo in the blink of an eye and unless I’ve travelled that road, I can’t guarantee that it really can be considered a highway.)

So tonight’s matchup with Newell’s Old Boys travelling from Rosario up to Santa Fe to take on Colón was a biggie. N.O.B. is considered a “small club” (basically everyone but “The Big 5”: Boca Jr., River Plate, San Lorenzo, Independiente, and Racing) and I don’t think that they’ve spent a lot of time in 1^st place over the last… oh, I’d say… 100 years or so.

I didn’t see the first 88 minutes of the game, but I’m sure that in classic Argentine fútbol fashion, it was 88 minutes of attack followed by counter-attack, followed by counter-attack, followed by counter-attack… Throw in a halftime whistle and some fake pained expressions on grown men rolling around on the ground and you get the picture. I raced into my room to start watching in the 89^th minute to see Newell’s trying to protect a 0-1 lead with only 10 men. When the announcer said that he had been told that there would be 6 minutes (seis minutos) of injury time, I knew that I must have missed something good. (Play acting, wild celebration, machismo posturing… yo no sé, pero ni importa.)

The 6 minutes came and went and the referee raised his arm and blew his whistle and…

…and then all hell broke loose!

There were hot-blooded Latino guys trying to attack the referee(s), there was a bench player (or maybe the attacking team’s goalie) trying to hold off the hot-blooded Latinos, there were police with big clear plastic shields trying to jump in between the hot-blooded Latino attackers and normal temperature-blooded Latino referees but these police were getting shoved away to the side by the previously mentioned hot-blooded Latinos with excessive hair and sometimes a day or three’s growth of facial hair.

I was thinking that I must have missed something REALLY big in the first 88 minutes if the team with a man advantage felt that they had been jobbed by the ref, but really what I missed was a hot-blooded Latino acting like a petulant bitch and then getting held responsible for it. “What?” you say, thinking “They NEVER get held responsible for anything!”, but remember, there’s a first time for everything.

Here’s what I missed:

With over 5 minutes and 40 seconds gone by in injury time, Newell’s Old Boys had sent a long ball all the way to the Colón end of the field. I can’t remember if the goalie tapped the ball ahead to a Colón player or the player had simply retrieved it before it made it to the goalie and had then turned to bring it up field. But whatever it was, number 13 for Colón had the ball at his feet and a burning desire in his heart not to end the night a complete loser. And with “hot Latin blood” pumping through that heart, you might have been able to predict that he wasn’t going to take being a complete loser lightly.

The referee was walking towards midfield about 8 to 10 yards ahead of number 13 as he raised his arm. Number 13 knew what this meant and he wanted to lash out. What would the smart thing have been to do as the referee blew his whistle? Most people would say “nothing”. But number 13 isn’t “most people”. No, number 13 thought the perfect thing to do would be to crush the soccer ball into the ass of the referee who had just blown the whistle. The referee, however, might be categorized in the group of “most people”, so he didn’t think that crushing a soccer ball into the ass of the (most probably) non-partisan arbitrator (who are “non-partisan” by definition) of this match was such a good idea. And so he immediately reached into his back pocket and gave a red card to the resident jack ass of team Colón.

Well don’t think that this hot-blooded Latino was going to accept this logical punishment lying down. Forget that his expulsion has no bearing on his team’s ability to start 11 players and use 3 substitutes in their next match. No, he was thinking it would be good idea to assault and try to batter the ref in an attempt to show that there is no place for logic on the cancha de fútbol in Argentina!

So there was pushing and shoving and more pushing and shoving and attempted police intervention. (I say “attempted” because the short-sighted people of AFA didn’t even have their JV police squad out there for riot control, much less the Varsity squad that they employ during superclasicos such as River/Boca, Independiente/Racing, Huracán/San Lorenzo, Gimnasia (LP)/Estudiantes (LP), and probably Rosario Central/Newell’s Old Boys. If they had, there wouldn’t be any quotations marks and there would be graphic details of police on boludo violence!)

I just discovered that “number 13” is also known as “Germán Rivarola”, but don’t worry about remembering the name, because we won’t be hearing about Germán next week or maybe for the rest of the season. With 3 games left in the season and a red card already in the books, starting a near riot might just be enough to get 2 more games added onto his mandatory 1 game suspension and he would thus finish the season in the dressing room. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this yanqui (pronounced “shankee” and meaning “Yankee”) is the illogical one. Because after all, logic doesn’t always have a place in the beautiful game down here. Why? Because this is Fútbol fabricada en Argentina.

Martín Palermo celebrates his game winner

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CONMEBOL was absolutely crazy yesterday.

Going into the day, 8 out of the 10 teams still had a chance to qualify. All 4 games last night were significant. The only pairing this weekend that didn’t matter was/is Brazil v Bolivia and that’s being played tonight.

Paraguay knocked out Venezuela IN Venezuela 2-1. After taking a 2-0 lead, Venezuela had a penalty stuffed by the Paraguayan keeper and then scored a little later, but couldn’t finish the task.

Venezuela is now out.

Colombia scored first on Chile, before going down 1-2 at home. Then they tied it up, but Chile scored two late goals to win 2-4 on the road. It appeared that the guy who scored Chile’s last goal was doing all kinds of dancing over the ball around the 90th minute before a Colombian guy just decked him. A fight nearly broke out and the CHILEAN guy was red carded.

Colombia is now out.

Ecuador, which has been amazing at home, took a 1-0 lead on Uruguay, which has been playing well. The game should have been a forgone conclusion in the altitude in Quito, but then Uruguay tied it up and then got a penalty for the win in the 90th minute. Ecuador could have clinched at least 5th (but been in 4th) with a win, but now they have to WIN in Chile (not very likely) to have any hope at South Africa.

A win gives Ecuador 5th place and they will most likely play Honduras for the right to go to South Africa. Win and they go to a playoff no matter what happens in Montevideo.

Uruguay could advance to a playoff with a loss or get eliminated with a tie.  It depends on Ecuador if they don’t beat Argentina in Montevideo.

Argentina vs the crappiest team in South America… Peru. Throughout this entire game Argentina looked like the better team. In fact, Peru was downright horrible at times. But it wasn’t until the 2nd half that Gonzalo Higuaín was able to slot home a Pablo Aimar pass. These two guys were playing their first games for the national team since Diego took over. (Diego is absolutely dreadful by the way.)

Anyway, this is Gonzalo’s first game period for the albiceleste and he scored. Nice.

Boca hero Martín Palermo came on in the second half and he provides a different target than anything that Argentina has had in recent years. He just knows where to be and how to get there. He got a bloody nose by trying to lower his head to a ball that someone was kicking, but I don’t think that this was the first time that this has happened.

It started raining… then harder, then it was POURING!!!

With 16 seconds, I said SECONDS (89:44), Peru scored to tie the game. This was awful for Argentina, but a win in Montevideo (where they don’t play well) would still allow them to go through. And it continued to pour with horrible wind and low visibility… which might contribute to the line judge completely missing that Martín Palermo was offsides for the goal that he scored in ~93′ or 94′.

There was a mad scramble around the goal and the goalie had come off the line. There was a defender behind him (and ultimately between Palermo and the goal line), but the goalie wasn’t back there and Palermo was behind the second defender. The ref was right there, but I don’t think that he looks for offsides. He’s watching for fouls and so when Palermo (from an offsides position) slotted home the goal, the referee blew the whistle and signaled goal. It was the line judge’s responsibility to see through the muck and to call the infraction. He didn’t. And Argentina sighed a huge sigh of relief.

Diego started running and sliding on his belly on the sidelines.  He looked like an orca at SeaWorld coming out of the water and sliding onto the deck to get his fish.  What a fat fuck  Arguably the greatest player to play the game… (Only Pelé, who was surrounded by talent, and Zizou, who is France’s answer to Michael Jordan, will be allowed in this discussion.)… is more of a mascot than a DT (or manager or head coach… whatever they call it in your country).  Just a boludo on the sidelines.  A national embarrassment who is untouchable in the public realm.  But I digress…

Now, if Argentina wins, they’re #4.
If they tie, they are #4 or #5.
If they lose, they are #5 or OUT.

Wednesday is going to be CRAZY!!! Uruguay plays well at home. Uruguay is playing well. Argentina doesn’t play well in Montevideo. Argentina isn’t playing well. But…

For the first time in about a year, Argentina was moving around the field. Messi didn’t need to do everything on his own. Aimar really improved the movement in the middle and Higuaín knows how to time runs. The complaint down here is that Riquelme is pecho frio. Messi, when he plays for Argentina, is pecho frio. The entire team recently has been pecho frio. They play with a “cold heart”. (About the biggest infraction you could ever make in Argentina.

What I saw last night was anything but pecho frio. And THAT is a good sign for Argentina. Wednesday is going to be crazy. Just crazy. (I’ll be wearing mi remera de la albiceleste.)

I only caught the 2nd half on late night replay, but here are my observations:

1) Although his personal grooming is an offense to all of mankind, Sacha Kljestan’s foul could have gone cardless, but should have drawn a yellow for the simple fact that it was very close to being dangerous if the player hadn’t been able to jump over him. The Brazilian player’s injury was as serious as Rivaldo holding his head after a ball hit him in the stomach in the ’02 World Cup.

A studs down challenge from the front that didn’t go through the player, but rather stopped in front of him shouldn’t draw a red… ever.

And that ref works a lot of top games. That was below him. I think that a yellow would have sent the same message, but I think he just wanted to end the game right then and allow Brazil to play keep away for the rest of the game because it was obvious that the US was no threat to get back in the game and 11 v 11 could result in a more serious challenge later. Other than that reasoning, there was absolutely no excuse for that red.

Side Note: I felt that Clark’s red card was warranted, because he didn’t cock his foot back to kick the Italian hedgehog until after said hedgehog had already tapped away the ball.  That screams “CONSCIOUS DECISION to nail this guy in front of you mister referee.”

2) Demarcus Beasley sucks donkey nads.

I didn’t even see him play in this game, but The only game that he didn’t start in out of the last 4, was the Italy game and we didn’t give up a goal within the first 7 minutes. I’ve read enough message board chatter to confirm that I’m right… again.

3) Hypocritical Bullshit is alive & well

Both Donovan & Bob Bradley were quoted in the last few days that if Adu wants to play, then he needs to get regular games at his club. However, Altidore, who hasn’t played since 2008 started the last two games and D. Beasley, who absolutely embarrasses the USA everytime he takes the pitch and has barely played since last fall, has either started or come on as a sub in the last 4 games. (I’m pretty sure… I don’t want to check because his play disgusts me so much.)

4) Bob Bradley’s “offense” of firing long balls up to a forward to hold them while others come running is the least effective offense possible with the players at the USMNT’s disposal.

Far and away the best offensive attack in the 2nd half was when Spector nutmegged a defender/winger and then moved off the ball into space so that Donovan could one-time the ball back to him. Then Spector laid the ball off to Feilhaber who crushed a ball that easily beat the best keeper in the world right now (Julio Cesar), but unfortunately hit off the underside of the crossbar and bounced back out.

SIDE NOTE: I really wanted Benny Feilhaber to score against the country of his birth that he turned his back on for the USMNT.  (I’m so sick of hearing whining putos going off about G. Rossi.)

If we abandoned the lone point striker (which we should have when Brian McBride retired), we could play Kenny Cooper the way he wants to play, Donovan, Altidore (the way he’s learning to play in Spain), Adu (the way he’s been able to play since ~12 years old), and Feilhaber, Bradley, Charlie Davies… am I making myself clear?

5) Demerit might not be THE ANSWER, but he’s probably better than Bocanegra. And if Bocanegra were to battle Bornstein for the left back spot, it would be better for everybody.

Bocanegra isn’t completely worthless and his head on set pieces can save/win games on occasion, so it is nice to have him in there, but Bornstein, although not anywhere close to being a “complete player” does offer quite a bit going forward.

6) Clint Dempsey makes me want to [PUKE]… (I hope Soccerati has emoticons)

I don’t think that he should be “off the team”, but I don’t think he should be starting either. I think that he should be a late 2nd half sub. Period.

I think that playing a combination of Bradley, Torres, Clark (please no more retalitory fouls), Feilhaber, Adu, Edu (when healthy), Donovan, & Rogers (I’m a BIG fan, but he started the year slowly) is what the US needs to do.   That Colin Clark from the Denver Rapids and one of two of Houston’s midfielders should also be getting looks.

4-4-2: Altidore + Adu/Cooper up top.

4-5-1: Altidore/Cooper up top
Clark and/or Edu + Bradley, Torres, Feilhaber, Donovan

When we get the German Kid, I’m thinking he slots in immediately at the DM position (or one of the DM positions).

But having Adu and/or Cooper on the field for free kicks is crucial. Those two are head and shoulders above any other Americans on the team. A distant, distant 3rd is Kljestan and his play doesn’t warrant the risk. Donovan is so far behind those three that I don’t even know if he’s truly #4 or he’s just been on the team so long that no one questions him.

Dempsey’s free kick from distance in the second half was so far off the mark that it looked like he thought he was competing in a Punt, Pass, & Kick competition.

IN SUMMARY:

-B. Bradley’s “game plans” are mind-blowing atrocious.
-B. Bradley’s roster selection is made in a separate reality the one I live in where it would be good to play a cohesive group of guys who might have an opportunity to hold the ball and create an offensive threat.
-D. Beasley is horrible.
-Demerit is pretty good.
-Dempsey needs to be benched.
-Adu needs to play.
-Cooper should be on the team.

Any questions?