After a stint at two of the more premier rehab clinics in the Southwest and a conversion to Scientology, I am happy to announce I’m back. From where I have no idea, but the fruits of someone else’s labors means I feel confident once more to comment on a sport I really know very little about.
And with the advent of a new EPL season and the current standings I can report I have strangled two kittens to death and paid complete strangers to molest homeless vagrants on the unwashed streets of Dallas, Texas. So the stint in rehab didn’t take, sue me and/or my enablers. However that is neither here nor there and anyplace in between. I do know without a clear cut creative force in the midfield no team can win the Premiership. So while Xabi Alonso plies his trade in Madrid, Liverpool can wait one more season for a title that seems destined for a stay in London. And I’m in no way referencing the Spurs. Do the math you gutless Chelsea fans. And while the computations are processed may I go wander out on the proverbial ledge and predict that a change in the Big Four will occur and it will be Arsenal and not Liverpool who will be out of Champions League next season. Tottenham is this year’s Aston Villa, destined to peter out and suffer the indignity of Europa League after flirting like a virginal 16 year old with a much older man too cheap to buy a Porsche. Why do I write such tripe? And when will Mark Hughes be exposed as the charlatan that he is. Roque Santa Cruz? Really? My God must you buy like a drunk Irishman in his first time in the big city. Yes Manny Adebeyor will realize his promise in Manchester because obviously Wenger can in no way develop young talent. He will be his generation’s Stan Collymore. So the game is afoot and I suspect once again the FA and referees of England will gift Sir Alex 4 to 5 games will questionable calls. Yet this in no way will bring another title to United. So if the methodone doesn’t work, then Roman will hoist another title and the game suffers one more indignity in addition to the monstrosity being built in Madrid.

From Brazil:

Tags: indoor soccer, soccer videos

I’m not blaspheming here- I don’t mean “Throwball” or “American Football.” I’m comparing soccer abroad to soccer in the US, and have chosen this morning to blame highlight the media coverage.

The same “rumor” from two sources.  First, CNNSI:

Colombia international Fredy Montero has claimed he has been in contact with Premier League side Fulham. Reports have suggested Cottagers boss Roy Hodgson could bid for the striker, who is currently on loan at MLS side Seattle Sounders from Deportivo Cali.

Next, the genius of The Guardian (UK):

Fredy Montero, who sounds like a minor bookie or middleman in an early 1980s big-budget gangster film who gets killed in an imaginative way – hung on a meat hook, buried in concrete – as a plot device to speed up a climactic gang war, but is actually a striker with coffee bar-based acoustic indie band The Seattle Sounders, wants to move to Fulham.

Football 1, Soccer 0.  Time for Soccerati to steal the torch and raise the bar for Soccer reporting.

Tags: Fredy Montero, Media, MLS

Not so says the Southport, Merseyside prosecutor, noting that the closed circuit television feed shows Steven Gerrard as the aggressor, beating his victim with uppercuts and handspeed like a professional boxer. 

My favorite quote: “On this occasion, Steven Gerrard’s fists, not his feet, did the talking.  This was never self-defence in 100 years.”   Also not accused of defence in Merseyside: Alvaro Arbeloa, Fabio Aurelio.

Tags: BPL, Criminal scouser, EPL

Falcao, not to be confused with Falco, outsmarts a bunch of Romanians, easily confused with Austrians.

There’s an old adage that excelling in international tournaments results in a big paydays on the club level. While this dynamic has changed dramatically for the majority of players, this paradigm still applies to a good number of players. Oneyewu Oguchi appears to have reaped the benefits of a strong showing in the Confederation Cup by signing for AC Milan. By playing in one of the premier leagues in the world, Oguichi will only improve and hopefully raise the stature of US players abroad. It wouldn’t surprise me if Altidore gets first team action with Villareal when La Liga’s season starts.

Yup, the Spanish giants just reached an agreement to add Lyon forward Karim Benzema to the squad. Los Blancos shelled out 30 million GBP (yawn) for the French 21-year-old.

GALACTICOS UNITE…AGAIN!

Tags: Karim Benzema, Lyon, Real Madrid

A day later, what comfort can be found from a second place finish in the Confederations Cup? While moral victories are reserved for trophyless Merseysiders, yesterday’s defeat reaffirmed a few things for the USMNT and perhaps revealed enough hope to take the sting off of the second half Vinnie-tug.   Lessons from yesterday:

1. Bob Bradley is not good enough.  The snapshot of playing in a FIFA final doesn’t overshadow the weeks/months leading up to it.  Disaster in Costa Rica.  Narrowly dodged embarrassment against Honduras.  Being completely outplayed by the well-below par Italians, only to be saved by their rollover against Brazil.  Being given a 10 day reprieve from unemployment, Bob finally embraced the formation that every writer, pundit and blogger knew was best-suited for the players Bob chose, and benched players (yes you, Damarcus) that no one on the team believed in.  Personnel changes forced by circumstance and injury were made against Bob’s better judgment, and the team responded.  I believe that the Egypt and Spain results were completely in spite of Bob.  The performance against Brazil, even in spite of the questionable substitutions, shows what the team could be capable of if given a competent leader leading up to the World Cup.

2. DeMerit and Onyewu are good enough.  Actually, I think they’re better than good enough, with a healthy Spector spot-marking and chasing when necessary.  That is a decent threesome to build around at the back, although I do suspect that DeMerit’s hard tackling style may attract some yellow or red paper from a sensitive referee at some point.   While Bocanegra is still satisfactory, I don’t know that he still has the pace and skill to press forward AND get back to cover, which should be possible with the other three locking up the back.  I’d like to see more push from the back at his position, and the US has players to do it.  Schellas Hyndman has been misusing Drew Moor at FCDallas for half a season now, but Moor has shown himself to be able to get forward and finish when called upon, so perhaps the shambolic club coaching will benefit the USMNT.  Not to mention about 12 others that could get a run during the Gold Cup.

3. Altidore will be good, but he needs more seasoning.  I don’t know if his early departures were conditioning-related or just Bob Bradley overthinking things, but Altidore’s play off the ball resembled a tired person.  His movement with the ball was good, and he showed that he can hold up the front sufficiently, but every run without the ball was a post pattern toward the middle rather than occasionally moving out to create width.  This left the midfielders to thread a needle, slow down to get wide themselves, or hold the ball too long.  I think that more club playing time will expand Altidore’s repertoire and improve his fitness, and then his full talent will be realized.  For now, I think Kenny Cooper is a better fit when healthy, perhaps with Altidore substituting for him later in the game.  More importantly, though, I think that Altidore/Cooper/Davies is a viable rotation up front, especially if a fourth can be found without moving Donovan or Dempsey forward.

4. Kljestan and Beasley should not appear again for the USMNT.  And I wouldn’t pay full price for a Ricardo Clark replica jersey either.  However, MBradley played pretty well in a holding midfield role, and I’m optimistic about Feilhaber.  Further, the sudden bout of patriotism by our new German  American midfielder will lock up the middle nicely.  Donovan and Dempsey remain as solid wide playmakers.  And this is all without mentioning Adu and Torres, either of whom could star in the next administration’s squad.

5. JP Dellacamera needs a new phrase to replace “…changes EVERYTHING.”  My unofficial count was 7 things, either real or hypothetical, that did or would “change EVERYTHING.”  It’s not quite onionbag annoying, but it’s not good either. 

6. While reaching the final has undoubtedly spiked interest in this beautiful game, I can’t help but wonder how many more people would be aware of or care about the game at Mexico on August 12 if ESPN/ABC/Disney had aired Sunday’s game on ABC instead of running paid programming.  During the summer months, supposed “niche” sports like soccer in America need to strike big, and this tournament is as big as the USMNT is going to swing.  Woulda been nice for it to be on in more homes.  Frankly, I think it would change EVERYTHING.

Tags: confederations cup, gratuitous Gazza reference, United States Men's National Team

If Brazil beats us tomorrow, the Dallas office is prepared to go on a classic soccer hooligan rampage. And since I would last all of two seconds in prison before I’m gang raped, I’m praying and hoping for a US victory.

We won! We won! No seriously, we won. The US scored a huge upset today by defeating the #1 team in the world, ESPANA! The win (thanks to goals from Jozy Altidore & Clint Dempsey) means our guys advance to the finals of the FIFA Confederations Cup where they’ll face either Brazil or host country South Africa.

US v Spain Highlights

Last week, the US need a stars-and-moons-aligned miracle just to get out of the group stage and now they’re playing in the finals. Man, I love soccer.

Tags: Brazil, clint dempsey, confederations cup, jozy altidore, south africa, Spain, USA

This pretty much says it all. When the mullahs came to power over 30 years ago they overthrew a corrupt, inefficient regime that employed a brutal secret service( and yes I know Savik was trained largely by the US ). And it seems the revolutionaries have become the Pahlavis. All I can say is a creative and dedicated midfield will always pry open a closed restrictive back four, especially when that back four is an assortment of thugs predicated on intimidation and street violence.

I only caught the 2nd half on late night replay, but here are my observations:

1) Although his personal grooming is an offense to all of mankind, Sacha Kljestan’s foul could have gone cardless, but should have drawn a yellow for the simple fact that it was very close to being dangerous if the player hadn’t been able to jump over him. The Brazilian player’s injury was as serious as Rivaldo holding his head after a ball hit him in the stomach in the ’02 World Cup.

A studs down challenge from the front that didn’t go through the player, but rather stopped in front of him shouldn’t draw a red… ever.

And that ref works a lot of top games. That was below him. I think that a yellow would have sent the same message, but I think he just wanted to end the game right then and allow Brazil to play keep away for the rest of the game because it was obvious that the US was no threat to get back in the game and 11 v 11 could result in a more serious challenge later. Other than that reasoning, there was absolutely no excuse for that red.

Side Note: I felt that Clark’s red card was warranted, because he didn’t cock his foot back to kick the Italian hedgehog until after said hedgehog had already tapped away the ball.  That screams “CONSCIOUS DECISION to nail this guy in front of you mister referee.”

2) Demarcus Beasley sucks donkey nads.

I didn’t even see him play in this game, but The only game that he didn’t start in out of the last 4, was the Italy game and we didn’t give up a goal within the first 7 minutes. I’ve read enough message board chatter to confirm that I’m right… again.

3) Hypocritical Bullshit is alive & well

Both Donovan & Bob Bradley were quoted in the last few days that if Adu wants to play, then he needs to get regular games at his club. However, Altidore, who hasn’t played since 2008 started the last two games and D. Beasley, who absolutely embarrasses the USA everytime he takes the pitch and has barely played since last fall, has either started or come on as a sub in the last 4 games. (I’m pretty sure… I don’t want to check because his play disgusts me so much.)

4) Bob Bradley’s “offense” of firing long balls up to a forward to hold them while others come running is the least effective offense possible with the players at the USMNT’s disposal.

Far and away the best offensive attack in the 2nd half was when Spector nutmegged a defender/winger and then moved off the ball into space so that Donovan could one-time the ball back to him. Then Spector laid the ball off to Feilhaber who crushed a ball that easily beat the best keeper in the world right now (Julio Cesar), but unfortunately hit off the underside of the crossbar and bounced back out.

SIDE NOTE: I really wanted Benny Feilhaber to score against the country of his birth that he turned his back on for the USMNT.  (I’m so sick of hearing whining putos going off about G. Rossi.)

If we abandoned the lone point striker (which we should have when Brian McBride retired), we could play Kenny Cooper the way he wants to play, Donovan, Altidore (the way he’s learning to play in Spain), Adu (the way he’s been able to play since ~12 years old), and Feilhaber, Bradley, Charlie Davies… am I making myself clear?

5) Demerit might not be THE ANSWER, but he’s probably better than Bocanegra. And if Bocanegra were to battle Bornstein for the left back spot, it would be better for everybody.

Bocanegra isn’t completely worthless and his head on set pieces can save/win games on occasion, so it is nice to have him in there, but Bornstein, although not anywhere close to being a “complete player” does offer quite a bit going forward.

6) Clint Dempsey makes me want to [PUKE]… (I hope Soccerati has emoticons)

I don’t think that he should be “off the team”, but I don’t think he should be starting either. I think that he should be a late 2nd half sub. Period.

I think that playing a combination of Bradley, Torres, Clark (please no more retalitory fouls), Feilhaber, Adu, Edu (when healthy), Donovan, & Rogers (I’m a BIG fan, but he started the year slowly) is what the US needs to do.   That Colin Clark from the Denver Rapids and one of two of Houston’s midfielders should also be getting looks.

4-4-2: Altidore + Adu/Cooper up top.

4-5-1: Altidore/Cooper up top
Clark and/or Edu + Bradley, Torres, Feilhaber, Donovan

When we get the German Kid, I’m thinking he slots in immediately at the DM position (or one of the DM positions).

But having Adu and/or Cooper on the field for free kicks is crucial. Those two are head and shoulders above any other Americans on the team. A distant, distant 3rd is Kljestan and his play doesn’t warrant the risk. Donovan is so far behind those three that I don’t even know if he’s truly #4 or he’s just been on the team so long that no one questions him.

Dempsey’s free kick from distance in the second half was so far off the mark that it looked like he thought he was competing in a Punt, Pass, & Kick competition.

IN SUMMARY:

-B. Bradley’s “game plans” are mind-blowing atrocious.
-B. Bradley’s roster selection is made in a separate reality the one I live in where it would be good to play a cohesive group of guys who might have an opportunity to hold the ball and create an offensive threat.
-D. Beasley is horrible.
-Demerit is pretty good.
-Dempsey needs to be benched.
-Adu needs to play.
-Cooper should be on the team.

Any questions?

In a game Iran needed to win in order to qualify for the 2010 World Cup, five members of the Iranian national team wore green armbands. Team captain Ali Karimi and four other teammates wore the armbands as a show of support for Iranian political opposition leader Hossein Mousavi. They wore the armbands for all of the first half, only for the armbands to disappear for the second. Kudos to the Iranians for showing football can have an impact beyond the game itself. Here are the match highlights. I’m rooting for the Iranians to make it to South Africa.

Tags: 2010 World Cup, Ali Karimi, Hossein Mousavi, Iran, soccer politics

Look I’m probably not the first wag to put up that title so don’t even think about sending any letters to the corporate headquarters. In what has been one of the most memorable transfer seasons in some time, Liverpool are close to announcing their first major signing. Many have hailed Glenn Johnson as the preeminent English right back in the game today. And while Chelsea may have wanted him back, his experience at Stamford Bridge has left too foul an aftertaste. So hopefully Johnson may be the first domino to fall in Rafa’s summer campaign. What is odd so far has been the relative quiet from Chelsea. With a new superstar manager, I’ve been quite surprised by their lack of activity. Could David Villa remedy this malaise?

Lately we at Soccerati have gone a tad bit Ronaldo crazy. We’re following who he’s hanging with, where he’s hanging out, and why he’s hanging out. And frankly the Dallas office is ready to choke a baby platypus to death. Yeah we know only Messi may give him a run for the title of best player on Earth, but he just comes across as a clueless dork.
Well when Spain, in it’s opening game in the Confederation Cup, demolished New Zealand by five goals their man of the match provided a refreshing tonic to a Ronaldoesque surliness. For full disclosure I’m a die-hard Liverpool fan, and I don’t want this to become some soft copy for Liverpool. But read these quotes by man of the match Fernando Torres. Sure they may sound like the usual soundbites every professional athlete throws out, but this man is different. Case in point, Fernando recently married his childhood sweetheart. In a small civil ceremony near his hometown. No huge party, no internationally known band for the reception, no sale of wedding photos to the media. In short he’s not banging fading debutantes and then going to Vegas. There’s nothing wrong with banging fading debutantes and going to Vegas. But for every Ronaldo we need an anti-thesis, and quite frankly Fernando, Liverpool’s number Nine, is quite refreshing.

They say when worlds collide, the result is often the surreal. But this one just has me feeling icky all over. Seems Soccerati’s own whipping boy has gone on a hijinks spree in Hollywood. Well there just goes what few shreds of integrity CR7 may have possessed. And while most will forgive anyone for a one night stand with the Hilton, but a second date? If this has any legs, and I’m praying it doesn’t, then the term WAG will be wholly reinvented. Pray for us all.

P.S. I was so tempted to put up video of CR7 walking out of Hilton’s pad, but putting up video released by TMZ would sink what little credibility this site has.

He’s gone, good riddance. CR7 has left Man U for Real Madrid. So for 80 million pounds here’s what Real Madrid gets; one of the world’s most explosive players who can change the course of a game in seconds. Also a player who is without a doubt a major pain in the ass. He is petulant, selfish, and at times boorish beyond belief. His talent is unquestionable, his persona has the trappings of bomb waiting to go off. Without the firm guidance of a manager of Alex Ferguson’s abilities and stature, expect a massive flameout in Madrid. He WILL sulk at some point next season, and with all due respect to Manuel Pellegrini, I doubt there is anyone on the staff of Madrid who would be able to reach him when he enters into a meltdown. A second point is can Ronaldo co-exist with Kaka? Two divergent personalities rarely makes for good chemistry.

Kaka went for $92 million to Real Madrid. And anyone with access to a computer has postulated for weeks that this may be the first major domino to fall in what is knowingly called the “silly season” in football circles. Expect more massive amounts of insane figures to be rumored about and then actually thrown at players from Argentina to Zaire. Expect one player to be a lock for one club, only for a new report to surface that said player has no intention of ever leaving his current club, with the denouement being he just ends up at Manchester City. Eventually it could really drive you into the arms of your local drug merchant. Let’s face it the only way to deal with the informational overload any fan subjects him or herself to during the summer lull, is a full blown drug habit. Okay maybe not on par with Keith Richards, but something to take the bite off the waiting, shock, and incredulity that always occur during the “silly season”. Frankly I’m fully prepared to obtain a small, yet nasty, oxycontin addiction before the first kickoff for the 09/10 season. And with that said expect the next big domino to be this guy.

So you’re a world renowned manager, respected by peers and players. With a solid coaching resume and a storied playing career, getting a job shouldn’t be too great a hassle. WRONG. Welcome to the topsy turvy world of high stakes football. Roberto Mancini seems to have a problem landing a job, not due to his credentials, but his last employer has a problem with paying him while he has a job with another club. Eventually this will get righted. Chances are Inter just doesn’t want to be cutting a check to someone with a job with another club. But until it does get resolved God knows what positions will exist out there. There’s a good chance Sven Goran might have already have the Portsmouth job.
Well with their recent performances, the US national team may be in need of a new manager. No can be satisfied with the team’s showing in Costa Rica, and their play versus Honduras was anything but reassuring. Questions have come up regarding tactics and team selection. Well with the Confederations Cup coming up in South Africa, if Bradley is anything but exceptional, measures may have to be taken. With the sport’s biggest tournament on the horizon a manager of Mancini’s talent may be better off with a national team instead of a club team. No big name wants to be on the sidelines when 2010 portends to be a massive year in football. And if not with a club, a slot with a national team trying to further cement their reputation on the world stage may be an excellent option.

P.S. I watched the Tony Awards tonight. MAGNIFICENT. Not gay.

I’ve been talking about the “silly season” for so long now it seems I’m doing my own impersonation of a broken record. But when the silliness takes on the proportions of the Dallas office’s “defense” budget, well even we in Dallas have to take notice. Rumors are coming out of Milan that Kaka has agreed in principle to terms with Real Madrid. Yet the player himself seems to be less then enthusiastic. All I can say is Florentino Perez is either a madman, a genius, or is destined to serious jail time in a number of maximum security prisons in Spain. The numbers being discussed on players from Kaka to Ribery to Alonso and whoever may claim to be unhappy tomorrow signals a war chest usually reserved for small Central American military dictatorships. The real entertainment this summer may not be World Cup qualifiers but the antics of Perez and Madrid. Oh and here’s the obligatory Cristiano Ronaldo reference made by Perez.

Update: Now Chelsea are trying to horn in on the Kaka race by offering 73 million pounds. Pounds not dollars. In dollars that comes out to over 118 million US. Wow.